Let's Get Serious(ly Honest) Here

I’m bouncing around the same numbers….on the scale that is.  I wouldn’t say I’ve been a failure. I’ve succeeded in doing absolutely nothing….Nothing to harm myself any further.  But I won’t go as far as to say it’s a success right now either.

Work is crazy right now.  We’ve got a HUGE tradeshow coming up in 21 days from now.  We do it every two years.  I age 10 for each one I think.  I hate mornings…I just don’t “DO” them.  And I have 2 kids still at home---twin 10 year old boys.  So being a late nighter is out also….since they have to be up and out of the house no later than 7am for carpool.  Then off to work for me.  Hubbie is back in school FT so he is MIA 4 nights a week…and exams are coming….so right now that ups to about 7.  After getting off work and getting the kids back home and settled, it’s 7 or so before I can hit the gym.  And 9 or 9:30 before I get home.  Doesn’t leave a whole lot of time.  And that’s with not seeing any of them until the weekend.  Somehow we’ve got to find a way to work a more family friendly schedule….I’m just afraid that means getting up earlier and running……which once I do it a week or so, will be fine…but thinking about it now….MORNINGS…YUCK!!!!

I did manage this week to work out Monday, Tuesday, & Wednesday.  I did skip Thursday.  I plan on being back there tonite….and tomorrow….and Sunday.

I’ve kept up my C25K running….when I’m at the gym.  This week has been the first week back since skipping almost 2 weeks.  Yep, one step forward, two steps back.  I keep allowing myself to do that.  What am I scared of?  Why can’t I cross the line and stay over?

I’m repeating week 5.  I’ve increased the speeds on both the walk and run portions (even if they are both SLOW still) and now I’m staring down a 20min. run.  Which I know I can do, because I’ve done the C25K before…..but that doesn’t mean that I don’t have to convince myself again, again, and again that I can do this.  Or rather--- I CAN DO THIS!!!!.  And then just get up there (right now I’m running on the treadmill at the gym because I have to go so late---it’s not my preference to run inside)…and do it.

Same thing with this weight loss/health gain thing.  I can do this.  I CAN DO THIS.  Now just pull your fatass up there and DO IT!

Some good things to note: Scale says the same, jeans fit better.  Scale says the same, can run faster.  Scale says the same, went down a size in workout pants.  But let’s not beat around the bush.  The jeans could fit even better (or even go down a size), I could be losing some of that arm jiggle (which I haven’t), and I could be ready and willing for swimsuit season---which I am NOWHERE close to!!!!

Now, just imagine if I had REALLY put effort into it.  Of all things, THAT’S what really irks me.  I’ve let myself down because I’ve just not committed yet to 100%.  While there are positives…as noted above…. My mind keeps saying…YEAH, BUT what if????..............This month I’m going to find out…..what if?????

What if I run 5 days a week?  What if I keep up the weight training 3 days a week?  What if I DON’T have one cheat day?  What if I do drink water like I’m supposed to?  What if I allow myself to succeed?  What if _____ ???

Jack Knows His Sh*t,

Words can't express how right Jack is.....so I'll let Jack say it in his own way...

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit: A Jack Sh*t Life Lesson

I Think I've Lost the same 2 lbs over 100 times. .

so let's make it 101 times.

Holding steady this week.....173lb.  But not bad for no exercise except for this past Saturday (and I weigh on Sunday).

Hoping to get more in this week but work has RAMPED up!

Til next time.

Until May 23rd. . .

My worklife is CRAZY.  You may or may not hear from me.

I'm still working out (except for this week due to illness) and down another 2 lb.

I'll try to update on the weekends.

--Susan

Say What You Want About Getting Mad. . .

It makes me Get Even.

After Monday's post, I was obviously feeling sorry for myself.  But holding myself accountable also.

Since then I have been to the gym every evening and monitored my food intake and journaled it all.  I've also consciously counted and increased my water intake.  

Results?= HECK YEAH!

And at this point in time, I needed results.  No matter what they were, just needed them.  What results?  Scale (YES, my name is Susan and I'm a scaleaholic) showed I'm back down to 175.  Just 1 lb. over where I had been before I threw it all away for Easter week.

I know, I know....water weight, sodium intake, muscle swelling, whatever.  You can't loose 8lb in 3 days.  It's not about that.  It's about getting back what I had worked for THREE months to achieve without feeling desperation and a desire to chuck it all.

Last night was a killer cardio session.  Again, thanks to Tony at The Anti Jared, I've found the Arc trainer, which really eats up calories!  

What I found even more satisfying last night---I outworked my Ipod battery.  Now, albeit I watched an episode of LOST and listened to music the rest of my 2.5 hour session---I got a 20% warning with 20 minutes left in the workout.  I finished before it died, but part of me wanted to go on until I was the victor.  What can I say?----I'm competitive even with things that can't actually compete.  Sue me.

I saw an ad the other day for a job that wanted an an acronym for the applicant.  I thought that was interesting and even though I wasn't applying for the job, I sat down and did one for me.....

I -Intelligent
D- Determined
E- Enthusiastic
A- Amusing
L- Laughable

I think that I've definitely earned the DETERMINED in the past 3 days.
What's YOUR acronym?

Got Mad, Now Getting Even

So if you read my blog yesterday, you noticed that I was a little upset….at the scale, at myself, at no progress.

I just wanted to drop a quick note and let you know I took that anger and turned it into determination. I ate well yesterday and went to the gym last night, even though I still feel that it is doing no good……but I refuse to give up. One way or the other, I will do this.

Started with 30 min. on the Crosstrainer, which I absolutely love. Finished 7.5 miles in 30 minutes, got the heart rate pumping and was sweating enough to make the Hot Yoga class jealous. Moved onto Couch25K run…and since I took 2 weeks off from running, I went back to Week3 Day3. And fully did it. I even kicked up the speed on both the walking and running parts since I was doing a "do over". I'll pick up and continue from this point forward. Then I moved on to the Arc Trainer (thanks to Tony over at The Anti-Jared who shared his favorite piece of equipment a couple of days ago in his blog). Seems our gym has two versions of this thing…one with stationary handrails and one with moving ones. I did the stationary one---just to get use to the movement and such. I was able to crank up the incline and resistance fairly high at times, but the machine self regulated since I was on "cardio" program and kept bringing it back down….I guess next time I'll do manual program. Finished things up with a nice bike ride…….

So, I'm back on the wagon friends…..got my new water bottle beside me here and have committed to cutting out all drinks of any type until I've got a minimum of 64 oz of water down….then I will allow myself some decaf tea or one can Coke Zero. Brought my lunch—which has been and probably always will be a large tossed salad filled with veggies and chickpeas with a chicken breast overtop. Didn't get my protein this morning but I did get two pieces of 9 grain toast. Thinking I'll get a snack in a few minutes—brought some kiwi slices.

How 'bout you? What do you do following disappointment? Are you a "get-up and dust yourself off" type person or does it take a while? I can be both. This time I choose to not give in.

Today is a Wallow Day. . .

There… I said it. Today I am choosing to wallow. Wallow in self-pity, frustration, anger, failure, and just about any other negative emotion you can think of, I've got. No one can talk me out of it. No one can bring me out of it. Today I want to mumble under my breath, I want to hate everything, I want to be dark and foreboding and think that NOTHING can make it better……………okay, so for the first half of the day at least….and it's 12:36pm now, so I guess I have decided to turn that corner……

Today, after a week "off" as suggested by my weight training plan; and an Easter weekend full of sweets, foods I wouldn't normally have eaten, and not nearly enough water……….I'm right back where I started. Yep. Today the scale read – SCREAMED--- 182!

I want to kick and scream and curse and blame anyone but me. It took me from 01/25/2010 to get from that number down to 174. I count EVERY morsel of calorie I put in my mouth. I make good choices. I exercise probably MORE than I have time to and feel guilty for leaving my kids to do it or guilty for not getting enough exercise……and still it took me 2 months to lose 8 lbs.

Don't give me the "that's 1lb a week" crap. I was working out enough to lose 5lb a week. And I was monitoring my intake also. Not too restrictive and the right amount of macronutrients for me (I have to have A LOT of protein).

So what's up? Why can everyone else post -2, -4, and I can't? How come when I look back at their blogs when they had ONE week of not losing (much less 5 or 6 like I have) they never get upset…they never cry….they never curse….they never relapse.

I'm here to tell you… I do. I do all that….cry, curse, relapse, get angry, and then………….I move on.

Today is another Day 1. Today I start again, just as every day is a new day. And one day you'll see me post that I've reached my goal just like I've seen others do.

And I know there is no one or no thing to blame except for me. I have to find what works for me. And giving up won't do it.

Today I will eat healthy. Today I will be back in the gym. Today I will take steps forward instead of back.