Today is a Wallow Day. . .

There… I said it. Today I am choosing to wallow. Wallow in self-pity, frustration, anger, failure, and just about any other negative emotion you can think of, I've got. No one can talk me out of it. No one can bring me out of it. Today I want to mumble under my breath, I want to hate everything, I want to be dark and foreboding and think that NOTHING can make it better……………okay, so for the first half of the day at least….and it's 12:36pm now, so I guess I have decided to turn that corner……

Today, after a week "off" as suggested by my weight training plan; and an Easter weekend full of sweets, foods I wouldn't normally have eaten, and not nearly enough water……….I'm right back where I started. Yep. Today the scale read – SCREAMED--- 182!

I want to kick and scream and curse and blame anyone but me. It took me from 01/25/2010 to get from that number down to 174. I count EVERY morsel of calorie I put in my mouth. I make good choices. I exercise probably MORE than I have time to and feel guilty for leaving my kids to do it or guilty for not getting enough exercise……and still it took me 2 months to lose 8 lbs.

Don't give me the "that's 1lb a week" crap. I was working out enough to lose 5lb a week. And I was monitoring my intake also. Not too restrictive and the right amount of macronutrients for me (I have to have A LOT of protein).

So what's up? Why can everyone else post -2, -4, and I can't? How come when I look back at their blogs when they had ONE week of not losing (much less 5 or 6 like I have) they never get upset…they never cry….they never curse….they never relapse.

I'm here to tell you… I do. I do all that….cry, curse, relapse, get angry, and then………….I move on.

Today is another Day 1. Today I start again, just as every day is a new day. And one day you'll see me post that I've reached my goal just like I've seen others do.

And I know there is no one or no thing to blame except for me. I have to find what works for me. And giving up won't do it.

Today I will eat healthy. Today I will be back in the gym. Today I will take steps forward instead of back.