Stop Gap Measures. . .

I'll admit it, I feel like I'm in a freefall situation here….

Right now work is heavy, the kids are gearing up to gear down for end of school and start of swimming, I'm the computer rep for the Swim Team as well as a Board member, and well, I'm just making excuses…

Making excuses to have reckless behavior….I know it, I admit it, and am doing absolutely nothing about it.

Each morning I resolve, "NOT TODAY"…and by evening that mantra is out the door.

I have no one to blame but myself. I have no excuses that could even justify it…(because there is NONE in my book)….and I just need to suck it up!

This is my ANGRY note to myself.

Why in the hell do you work so hard and then sabotage yourself? Why are you so adamant that you can do it "differently" than you know you have to? Why can't you just put that _____ down and walk away? I'm tired of hearing you whine and complain about it. I'm tired of going through the same 5-10lbs every couple of months. Do this or either Don't do this, but make a decision. Is your health worth it or is it only worth it "when you feel like it?". You are stronger than this. You can beat this, because make no mistake about it….. this is a battle, a war you're waging. And the win is worth time with your family and loved ones. I know you get stressed out and I know the road gets long and hard….but isn't that when you need to be your strongest anyways? So why do you let that make you your weakest?

You talk a big talk but let's see you walk the walk. Let's see you show your children just how much they can do when they put their mind to it…. Let's see you get the WHOLE family moving and healthy…because it's not only YOUR life you're dealing with here, face it, it's the WHOLE family….and couldn't everyone be a LITTLE healthier????

Mental Roadblocks. . .

Last night I ran C25K Week 5 Day 2…AGAIN.

I ran it originally about a year ago…for the very first time. I remember the elation and then I remember the dread. Dread that the very next run would be a steady 20minutes. The max I had done until then (in my LIFE) was 8 minutes. I think I was worried for the rest of that evening and all the rest day. Then it came time to "do" it. And you know what, I didn't. Nope, I fizzled out somewhere around 15 or 16 minutes. I don't remember. But you know what I do remember? That the very next day, I tried again. And DID IT!

I swear at that moment when my Ipod announced that it was time for my cool-down (walk), I could have done cartwheels the rest of the way home. And now, here I am again. Not just for the 2^nd time, but either 4^th or 5^th. WHY? Because I mentally set myself up to fail. Instead of remembering that I have done this. That I have trained, that I know how to breathe, that my body will make it, that I won't die if I sweat a little…..all I can think of is how HARD its going to be.

Several of the bloggers I follow are on the same step as I face now. And thankfully they have been honest about their efforts also. Its disheartening to go out and read the blogs and feel like everyone is succeeding EXCEPT you. MsFatass over at her blog insightfully details her 20min. attempt. And I have to admit, as much as I LOVE reading the successes of everyone, it's reassuring to read an attempt that did not result in a "success" every now and then. Because LIFE is never all success. And sometimes when you ride that high, you forget what the down times are like…or rather you forget how YOU are responsible for getting yourself out of those dips….and when I say you, I mean ME.

Tonite is definitely an "OFF" night from running. I usually don't listen too much to the 3 day a week rule since its really only 30 minutes of cardio….BUT….I also have been treadmill running…until last night. And for any of you that do both…..you know the difference it makes in your joints….or maybe you don't….I AM getting older….. the treadmill always is a "softer" run but also feels a lot faster than what the speedometer says…when I'm running 5mph on the treadmill, I feel like I'm struggling. Road running is harder on my hip joints but I run faster….averaging at 5mph with no problems…..my distance is correct, it's been measured…but I can finish on the road much quicker than on a treadmill???? But then again, its easier to get "lost" in running on the road, so I think I just get more into the scenery instead of paying so much attention to speed….

I've got about 2 more weeks of REALLY heavy work and then it'll fall off almost at once (BIG tradeshow). I hope to resume weight training then. Until that time, I just make sure I get the cardio in 4-5 times a week. And I'm okay with that. Holding steady is much better than backward movement!

Tomorrow night is 20min. C25K run. I'll let you know how it goes. As Booker T. Washington said, "Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed." Whether tomorrow night, the night after, or the night after that…….I will overcome this obstacle and move on to the next…. Each step to doing so is a step of success…